The irrefutable joy of dating oneself
I write this on the eve of Valentine’s Day, that day when people spend a load of money on ‘stuff’ to show the object of their desire that they like/love them. I’ve never been much of a fan of the day, seeing it more as an excuse for consumerism than an opportunity to reassert (for surely this is being done on a daily, or regular at least, right?) your appreciation for someone. Now, it might be because I never got any cards as a young girl, growing up in Doncaster, the child of a white woman and a black man, I was off the table. It was okay to be my friend but nobody, but nobody, * wanted to go out with me. “Euch!” So, I suppose I was pre-disposed to not be a fan. I was the one whose mum had to send them a card and, more latterly as a separated woman with a clutch of very unsuccessful dating attempts under her belt, whose daughter has (very sweetly) resorted to sending her cards.
Having a little drink and dance before dinner
But even in a relationship, throughout the whole of my marriage, we didn’t really buy cards (though we would make one and I must say, my ex came up with a few blinders) and we never went out to a restaurant. We would tend, instead, to cook a special meal for ourselves (and the children), after all there’s no harm in taking some time to put a bit of extra effort in right, and spend a lovely evening together at home.
Enjoying dancing round the kitchen and posing for the cameras (that’s a song reference - See “In Love With a German Film Star” by The Passions
But, it can smart a bit, to be home alone, to be reminded that nobody is interested in you (romantically/sexually), I put it to you though that all is not lost because you have at your disposal access to your best date yet. Yes, I’m talking about you. Date yourself. And not only on February 14th. Taking yourself out on a date, going for a walk, to a museum, out for a coffee, a pint, or a meal (whatever floats your boat) is superb. If you’ve never done it, I urge you to. Ask yourself what you would really enjoy, what would make you happy and then, just do it!
Finding myself fascinating, I can’t take my eyes and ears off of me.
I recently had the house to myself and, intending to try a new method of making melanzane alla parmigiana (aubergine parmigiana) I set off to the shop via a little daily walk detour. Before I knew it the cosy glow from The Landseer Arms was calling out to me and I found myself sitting on a sofa with a glass of red wine and a novel (ahem, think I may have known this was going to happen as I don’t usually take a book on my daily walk, or when I nip out to the shop). And it was while I was there, feeling all glowy, that I realised I wanted to have a date with myself. I wanted to pull out all the stops and make myself a beautiful meal, lay the table, put on some music, and get dressed up. I cook for the people I care about and, I put an enormous amount of energy into it – it’s one of the ways that I show love. I wanted, for once, to be the recipient of that love and energy. I found myself getting excited about creating a menu that I would like – aubergine parmigiana turned into a main which followed a freshly made pasta dish of fazzoletti (silk handkerchiefs) with the most beautiful sauce of slow cooked rainbow chard. Simple food, done well, just how I like it, and all for me.
Melanzane alla parmigiana
I put on some music, poured myself a drink and set to cooking; kneading dough, chopping chard, slicing aubergines, and lining baking trays with them. And as I cooked I got more and more excited thinking about what I might wear for this date I was preparing for. As soon as the parmigiana was in the oven, the pasta dough was resting, and the chard slowly cooking away, I raced upstairs to get ready. I mean, it may sound ridiculous but, I put so much care into selecting an outfit and putting my face on, after all, I knew how much effort I’d put into the meal and setting the mood downstairs.
Matchy Matchy
Once ready, I went back to cooking - cracking open a bottle of Snickers Old Fashioned I’d bought from Little Mercies - and had a little dance around the kitchen whilst finishing off my pasta starter. I did an impromptu photo shoot with the Snickers bottle, the vase, and my beautiful new marble candles from By Alice (which were a gift from a friend, and I’d lit specially for the occasion) because they were all matching! If there’s one thing I really enjoy doing (there are so many things…), it’s faffing around with my phone taking pictures and trying to snap good looking food photos, and more recently self-portraits. And with no-one there but me, I didn’t have to worry about hungry mouths or food going cold and proceeded to snap each course as well as attempt several self-portraits. I got the tripod and trigger out and honestly, had an absolute blast! The food was spectacular, the company was the best, and the evening was just a joy.
Fazzoletti with slow cooked rainbow chard.
Dating yourself is not just for Valentine’s and it’s most definitely not just for singles, everybody should spend a bit of time treating themselves with the care and attention they pour on other people. But, if you are feeling a little unloved this year, why not take the opportunity to date yourself. I promise you, you’ll have one of your best dates ever.
*Full disclosure – I did actually have three boys interested in me in my years in Doncaster and I kissed them all!!
Fazzoletti with slow cooked rainbow chard and a showering of parmesan
Fazzoletti with slow cooked rainbow chard
(dough makes enough for 2 but can be used the following day or dried for later use)
Ingredients
For the pasta
200g 00 pasta flour
1 egg and 2 egg yolks
A tablespoon of olive oil
For the sauce
1 bunch rainbow chard – stalks finely sliced, and leaves shredded
A knob of butter and a glug of olive oil
1 red chilli – finely sliced or diced, or a generous pinch of chilli flakes
Zest and juice of half a lemon
A splosh of water or white wine
Salt and pepper
Freshly grated parmesan to serve
Method
Put your flour on a clean surface in a mound, make a hole in the centre (to make a well for the eggs) and add in your egg, egg yolks and olive oil. Whisk the eggs together with a fork and gradually incorporate the flour as it touches the egg mixture.
Once mostly incorporated use your hands to bring everything together. Knead the dough for about 5 to 10 minutes until soft and pliable. Wrap in clingfilm and leave to rest for 30 minutes to an hour while you get on with the sauce.
Heat a frying pan over a medium heat, add in the butter and oil and once bubbling slightly add the chard stalks, stirring a few times. Lower the heat slightly and allow to cook for 10 minutes.
Add in your chilli/chilli flakes, a pinch of salt, and then the shredded leaves. Cook for a couple of minutes, stirring once or twice then add in the lemon juice and whatever liquid you are using. Stir and leave to gently cook for another 20 minutes.
When you’re almost ready to eat roll out your pasta – I’d recommend using a pasta machine, but you could do it by hand. You want to pasta to be as thin as possible. If you’re using a machine take the dough through to the smallest setting and perhaps even add a little resistance as you pull the pasta through, depending on how thin your smallest setting is – you’re aiming for almost translucent. Try to roll the dough in as rectangular a shape as you can.
Once rolled, put a large pan of heavily salted water on to boil and then neaten off the pasta edges. Cut the pasta into lasagne sized and shaped pieces and cut those pieces into half. Dust with semolina flour or pasta flour and set on a plate or tray until you’re ready to cook the pasta.
When the water is boiling rapidly, add in your pasta and cook for a minute and a half. Drain and toss with the chard sauce. Season to taste and garnish with a little lemon zest.
The look of love and, inexplicably doing a spot of glasses modelling. Chain link bracelet by By Sara Christie, pearlised bracelet and necklace from my boss.